Dear Guests, Welcome to my blog which I treat like a creative garden where I regularly plant and change this and that be it poetry, philosophy, an Oboe Brilliance lesson, an essay of some kind, or a journal about composing. Visit every Monday for oboe coaching which is also helpful for many melodic instrumentalists. Musically yours, Kathryn

"How do you compose?" That is the most commonly asked question I hear.
This blog is a window into my creative process and philosophies as a composer and instrumentalist. At times it may contain music, photos, and poetry as well. May you enjoy, return, and benefit!

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2

Thinking and happiness

Friday Philosophy Blog Oct. 2nd 2009
Thinking and happiness © Kathryn Potter 2009

I’ve just been reading a lot about happiness, and thinking about it.
What is it? Is it the ability to feel joy, and enjoy life?

Well, I think that’s at least part of it.

Happiness is a sensitive subject for me. I have experienced depression, trauma, fear, grief, despair, and unhappiness on the ONE hand. Fortunately, I have also experienced happiness, joy, ecstasy, bliss, one with it all, optimism, and open hearted in the universe sublime love.

I think that emotions are like colors and the emotions of our life comprise the color of the shapes and forms of our own “Life’s portrait”.
I think that our habitual attitude can make a huge difference in how much frustration or appreciation we experience in our day to day life. I think one’s attitude makes most but not all the difference in how we color the shapes in our life so to speak. But life comes with it's own colors too, not just the ones we pick! There are "unhappy colors" and sometimes we can only handle seeing so much of a certain color. We can train our eye to see other colors existing at the same time however, and discover our ability to paint as well. (Phew, and thereby influence.) I do not blindly subscribe to this pervasive belief that our thoughts determine our happiness. Yes they do to a huge degree, but up to a point.

Grief, trauma, depression are not well understood by anyone who hasn’t experienced it. Also, I think we live in a culture that is afraid of sadness etc. We avoid unhappy feelings and that can create problems. I don’t think it is right to feel shame for ones feelings or to try to change ones true feelings. I think it’s important to embrace our true feelings while letting our mental outlook steer a genuine attitude of gratitude. Also, it is most helpful to expand ones awareness of beauty, pleasure, gratitude and self respect as keystones in living a fuller, happier life.

Meditation has for me, made all the difference in having a better, saner, happier life. Through the practice of meditation with no strings attached, I’ve learned to allow myself greater awareness of my truth while having a foundation of deep inner peace and well being to carry me through the rough waters of great trauma and despair even if it was the echo of the emotional memory in the distance of knowing it was deep within myself and deep within the universe temporarily beyond my current mode.

I will blog more about meditation in the future.

Thinking in a more positive way, I notice is very effective for having a better outlook, but it falls short when it comes to trauma and despair, at least for me. When I have been grief stricken, I find great music very helpful in validating my feelings and transporting me into a higher vibration of emotional truth and life experience which is not to be confused with avoidance, or trying to think oneself out of how one truly is. A dear friend can also make the longest and darkest of nights passable until the dawn returns.

Also, I have found certain phrases to be repeated effective in interrupting negative thinking which supports a more negative life experience while helping me turn my mental boat around towards a happier shore. In this way too, positive thinking is effective in co creating a more positive emotional experience.

So, deciding to be happy, works to a point, but for me at least, it isn’t as easy as that! Giving myself permission to be happy, having effective strategies to allow myself my real feelings, including happiness itself, was a milestone for me. Repeating positive phrases that I whole heartedly felt were true then – not wishful thinking – helped (See Phrases to be repeated from Hazrat Inayat Khan’s “The Mysticism of Sound and Music”), a close friend, a strong foundation of meditation, and patience, have made achieving happiness possible. Last but not least, accepting myself to be how I am right now, warts and all, feelings and all, disappointments and all, goals and all, sorrow and all, has allowed me to open up to a habitual experience of a deeper well of in the now self respect while I continue to reach towards a brighter future. Not taking things for granted as much, lowering my expectations of others, realizing that the world doesn’t owe me anything, realizing what I do have – internally, historically, and externally – that I appreciate also help me feel deeper levels of gratitude within moments of the day.

I hope this helps. Life is short, we are all going to die, and we will never have this day back, so I am wishing you real joy or at least gratitude for today and tomorrow. With love in your heart, and air in your lungs, it is possible.

Musically yours,
Kathryn